Monday, February 24, 2014


sometimes we think we know ourselves too well to just know what we want or need but it could be mistaken by our own desires or nafs.

instead of letting ourselves sink in the sea of confusion why dont we seek for Allah's help.much much much much easier isnt it?do your istikharah. ask for guidance. Love of Allah is more than the love of a mother towards her child.alhamdulillah i have an amazing mother who loves me so dearly i cant imagine how great the love of Allah is. Allah wants the best for his servants.very merciful,willing to forgive and keep on telling us to repent.he never gave up on us so why should we?

for the first time in my life i have actually come across someone that makes me feel that i really want to be better,improve my deen and just looking at that person's character sort of inspires me to be a better human being.but i know this is only right if i follow the right i am gonna ignore this feeling.i'll pray to God  and train my heart to believe that what is meant for me wont miss me.i have to have i am gonna focus on improving myself.i cant fall into shytan's trap. i dont know how it's gonna happen if really we're meant to be but isnt it already obvious that Allah is the greatest planner?and the most i'm gonna depend fully on Him. i am leaving my heart with my Lord and let Him sort it out for me.

i hold on to this saying so firmly. if you leave the haram relationship for Allah, He'll make it halal for you.

O Allah guide me.letme be great in character that people would ignore my physical flaws.stay by my side.cure me only when u know i wont go back to my old self.let me feel the sweetness of longing to see you O Allah.

p/s ; if you like a girl because of her character or deen, dont you think she deserves to be approached in a halal dignified way?

Sunday, February 23, 2014

Oh Allah I am greedy

o Allah. i am so greedy but i really really want to go to those holy cities again.i miss being there so much. i miss forgetting about the world and just focus on You o Allah.pleasee letme be your guest.

Friday, February 7, 2014

to my future husband

Dear You,

I dont need a grand wedding,
I dont need a diamond ring
I dont need a lot of money,
I dont need a huge mansion by the alley
I dont need good looking face
I dont need look without grace

I dont care about your past
as long as our future lasts
I dont care about tedious struggle
as long as you promise to battle
I dont care about what people say
as long as you dont lead me astray
I dont care about fairy tales
as long as your love prevails

I cant promise it would be easy
but I know I wont be sleazy
I cant promise I wont cry
but I'll try making you a happy guy
I cant promise love without trials
But you wont regret going down the aisles
I cant promise you eternity
but i'll try loving you to infinity

Dear my future husband,if you decide to marry me,that's probably the hardest decision you'll have to make in your life.i carry a huge baggage with me.a stigma, a low self esteem, a soul that in need of constant reassurance. i lived in a fantasy to be the perfect one but i realized i could never be.Maybe that's a subtle reminder from God that He's the only one that can be perfect.Life with me would be a constant battle but i can try to make it worth the struggle.

If anyone wonders what with the sudden entry about future, i dont know. i think i'm just in that the age when everyone around me is settling i said i dont want to live according to how people think i should live.i want to be happy and happiness does not just revolve around marriage or love.i want to do charity,i want to go around the world.i want to please God.i want to be His guest again.i want to go to those holy cities.but then again i cant run away from this forever can i?sometimes i know that i just say thing like i'm fine if i cant find someone while i really hope i do find's like trying to sought solace,trying to make oneself feel better about thing i cant have.i guess i am confused.i will always be.i wont know which way to go,to find happiness independently or to find someone to share my burden with.i know either way would lead to happiness insyaAllah but i cant figure out which weighs more than the other.

Those who like me,they always say they don't mind.but i am not convinced.they'll grow tired of me feeling low about myself,grumbling about not being good enough for them. so dear my future husband,i could be the most difficult person to deal with.just so you know