Friday, October 25, 2013

journey to jannah part 1


I hope everyone who is reading this is in the best state of health and may Allah bless all of us.
so today I would like to share my experience being one of the panelists in an event called a journey to jannah held by young women weekly. it was a nice simple event and i think there were around 30 people there. the main purpose of the event is just to share our stories because kak kausar and i apparently have the experiences that probably not many people would encounter.

It started with Kak Kausar sharing how her trip to Gaza left her with a huge impact and I absolutely agree. i was too immersed in the emotion that i suddenly forgot that i was the panelist and tears started to well up in the eyes and i literally just let it out even though i was facing all the audiences. May Allah bless you Kak Kausar.I was really inspired and I do hope I will get the same opportunity to go to Gaza and feel it for my self.

listening to kak kausar really made me feel like mine was just a little issue but again i reminded myself that the purpose of going is just to share and even if just few people benefit a little from it,it's more than enough.

i began with a bit of a background about my diagnosis which i am pretty sure everyone who reads this blog already know.but yeah i was diagnosed with kidney cancer about a year ago and my life has changed ever since.

so i was telling them the details about it which i've wrote in my previous entry. You can find it
here and here and also here.

you can also visit my sister's blog.she wrote a lot about it over the years but i'll just link a few posts here.

the next bit is about the challenges i encountered during this phase.

well of course at first it was how to accept it and accepting it was a process or a journey itself not just something that occurred in a blink of an eye.being brought up with sufficient knowledge about patience and acceptance,fate and Allah's decrees I have to admit that i was on the advantageous side.why?at least i knew i should not question why it happened to me and i  knew that there must be  good clear valid reasons why out of so many people in this world i was chosen to face this.i might not see it now but yeah i am certain that the reasons do exist. i have also came across the verse in the Quran that says something like Allah will not burden a soul more than it can bear. however to be completely honest i had to do a lot of persuasion to convince myself that this has happened and i have to accept it and that is the easiest way to deal with it.i'd love to quote good doctor korean drama here.i would say that this test for me is like a disinfectant to the does sting at first when you apply it to the open wound but we know definitely that it's going to help the wound heal it's only right for me as a servant to accept this test,turn to Allah and seek for his help.
challenges came in a lot of form but i think spiritual strength really make it easier to deal with those hardships.leave everything to Allah.anonymous said to me that worry ends when faith begins.and i also know that Allah alone is sufficient,so if i am feeling empty or not enough it simply means that i havent put Allah in His rightful place which is at the top of everything.if we live to please Allah than we should not be worrying about the time he has appointed for us to go and meet him right?my close friend said this to me once "death is a gift to a believer because it's the time to meet the Maker.

moving to the 3rd question.this video is from the original event.i'm sorry i kept on using words macam or faham tak n it does sound a bit inappropriate to use informal words like that but i took the forum more like a friendly event to share with the sisters and hence the informal language. i hesitated to share this because i'm ashamed but if it benefits other people then why not right.

prayers from all my family,friends and ect did play an important role as well.comforting words from new friends(i refuse to use the word stranger) who took their time to personally write to me to encourage me so that i can be strong meant so much to me.
when you face difficulty bee closer to Allah,seek his help for He is all knowing and He obviously know the solution of your misery.I am a great believer in a saying that mention Allah tests you because He wants to get the best out of you,He misses you,He wants you to rely to Him. if we think about it,we sort of need some pressure or force or situation to actually help us to see our potential. the test of a pudding is in eating.the test of a strength is by going through obstacles and difficulties.we always ask God to  grant us patience and maybe this is His way of answering that particular wish. but we are lucky because this is the only test in this world that the teacher (read: Allah) let us seek for help.we can raise our hands and pray for Him to help us. the thing is we always take life for granted.We take Allah's love for granted and we get carried away in this temporary world. This test definitely just to bring me back on the track i would say :) 

well yes when i look back and realized how far i have gone ever since and how matured i have become as well as how much Allah's help and blessings i got,i  seriously think that there are more to this test than just a's an eye opener and life changing experiences and by going through this makes me understand myself my family and my lord even more,so how could i not be grateful?


it'll be too long if i were to summarize 4 hours event in 1 post so look forward to my 2nd part.
may Allah bless all of us.
till then,thank you for reading and take care.


Thursday, October 17, 2013

amazing mom


so today i miss my mom a little too much.i was getting all teary on the bus on my way home after class and i dont know why.i'm gonna write about my great mom in this post.the one that has been one of the strongest backbone for me.the one who put everything into places when things get shattered. the one who holds my hand when i get scared. i know urs would be amazing too but of course i'll be a bit bias and say that for me i have the best mom i could ever ask for.alhamdulillah.

i cant believe that it took me so long to realize how much my mom loves me.after 22 years it finally hits me that mom loves best!they love without expecting anything in return.they will always be there when u need them.they are the one who genuinely feel happy when u accomplish anything.that's what a mom will always be.

my mom,at the age of 65 should be able to rest at home and let the children take care of her.but in my case,it's the other way that age my mom has to be in the hospital to look after a grown up daughter that suddenly being diagnosed with cancer.this mom stayed up at night when the daughter coudnt sleep.this mom went back and forth to the toilet to get the bowl when the daughter couldnt walk to go to the loo.this mom had to be strong to let the daughter hold on to her when she finally could take a few steps.this mom was all sleepy in the morning because she could not sleep at night when the daughter kept on asking for water,food,or complaining about pain.this mom slept on the hospital floor just to keep the daughter accompany.this mom recited verses in the quran just to make her daughter feel at peace.this mom never ever complained anything.she accepted whatever Allah has planned and trusted him with all her heart.

and i'm proud to say that this great mother is my of the strongest reason i could still go on like this is her. every time i feel like giving up my mom would never let me.she'll always there.she tries her best to instill positivity in me. 
i love my much that i can never imagine going through this alone. thanks ma for everything.
i'm hoping for a chance from Allah to let me love you as much (:

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

the basics of dealing with stage 4 cancer


I hope everyone is in a good state of health and may Allah bless all of us  in the past,present as well as in the future. Dont forget to be grateful for whatever good u have and whatever bad that doesnt go your way.Alhamdulillah

okay today i'm gonna write about what you can do if you are dealing with cancer specifically and generally when u are facing any difficulty. I'd like to STRESS here that i'm not a cancer survivor and I am still battling with it but I think it'd be good if i share what I have been doing so far because even though i have not been cured (yet,i hope) my quality of life is great. I am a stage 4 kidney cancer with multiple metastases to various sites of the body,experiencing no pain at all,not overly feeling tired,a full time medical student(who go around hospital from 9am to 5pm almost everyday).my fitness level is quite good.I can walk around 3 miles without feeling exhausted(just walking not running ok..).my quality of sleep is very good too and never woke up at night because of any discomfort. so I think this post might help because I did get few questions from people(friends of friends mostly)asking me what did i do and what am i taking at the moment.

I've tried so many alternative treatments ever since i was diagnosed with this cancer. Apart from prayers,I do know that I need to put a lot of effort too into trying and looking for something that can help me with my cancer.u'll never know what'll work unless you try.

but of course to begin with,the most important thing is your mindset.dont let sadness take over you.yes i know exactly how it feels.u feel like your whole world are falling apart,everything doesnt seem right,u have no idea what to do and most importantly u wonder how long u have left.yes i'm not gonna deny your right to cry but dont mourn over amount of tears can heal you,no amount of screaming or being upset will be helpful,so might as well be happy!

and there's this hadeeth that keeps me going

The Prophet (peace be upon him) related to us that Allah says: "I am as My servant thinks of Me. I am with him when he remembers Me. If he mentions Me within himself, I mention him within Myself. If he mentions Me in an assembly, I mention him in a better assembly. If he comes near to Me a handspan, I come near to him the distance of a cubit. If he comes near to Me the distance of a cubit, I come near to him the distance of two outspread arms. If he comes to Me walking, I come to him running." [Sahîh al-Bukhârî(6856) and Sahîh Muslim (4832)] 

so assume the best!chin up and live your live accordingly :)

these are the products that i take.i seriously dont know what works but apparently when i start taking them,i feel a lot better.i was in pain the whole month of ramadhan(bone pain) and i started taking these during eid and alhamdulillah i'm not feeling any pain now except for when i ate certain food.

you can google it for more info.

this one has a really nice story behind cousin was in hospital with her son for some check up when she met this lady who survived stage 4 breast cancer and now free of she asked what did the lady take and the lady said she took a traditional herbs she got from grik it's been 4 years since she was diagnosed with cancer and at that moment she was told that she has only 4 months to cousin could only buy 2 bottles for me which is enough for 1month to try.when my mom listened to the story,she prayed istikharah that night,asking God if this medication is good for me and if it is please let us meet the lady.apparently the lady(approximately in her late sixties) doesnt know how to use her mobile phone so the only time we could call her is on friday when her son is we have to wait until friday to know if she have a lot with her so that i can purchase for 1 year stock to bring back to london.On tuesday that week i went to the hospital for my last appointment and guess what?my mom met the lady.yes,the one my cousin met the other day.she was there to deliver the herbs to one of the doctor whose sister is suffering from brain cancer.what is more amazing is that,the lady is my mom's relative.i doubt it if u are going to say that it's just a coincedence but yeah u can think that way if u want my mom bought me this's just rm50 per bottle. if you want her contact number you can email me at of fb msg me ok (:

this is one of the thing i took as's a b17's quite strong since the dose is 500mg.if anyone ever heard about apricot kernels,this is just a tablet containing b17 as much as it is in can google it but it is quite a significant anti cancer alternative treatment.some people are on remission after taking u might want to try.i need to stop taking it now since i am now on modern treatment.i am taking votrient and i'm scared that this might react with it.i still take the other two because they are more like supplements but this one looks more like a chemical tablet.but it does work for certain's a bit expensive rm350 per bottle but i'm sure if it makes u feel better then definitely it's worth it.

make sure to always pray and ask Allah for help.He will ease it for you.have faith in the quran and do wake up for qiam if u's said that qiam can actually help to boost the immune close to God and live your live happily.

pray pray and pray,dont lose hope.recite the supplication that prophet ayyub recited when he was sick.make sure to supplicate before you take the medication and insyaAllah you'll be fine.

i was told that the tablet that the hospital give me will cause me a number of side effects.diarrhoea,sore hands feet and mouth and lethargic just to name a few common one. my mom told me to recite this before i take the tablet.

alhamdulillah after 4 days of taking it i havent felt anything except the first day that i felt a bit sick generally.apart from that i am fine and still attending classes as usual.hopefully it'll stay this wayy iA.

Allah has helped me a lot.i left out a lot of details but even just knowing that i am a stage 4 cancer n am able to go around without any difficulty,got the rm100K worth of medication for FREE and still not feeling any pain,how could I not be thankful and grateful?being a medical student i know it can be worse and that makes more sense for me to really feel lucky.alhamdulillah.thank you Allah for your help (:

Sunday, October 6, 2013

fruit picking,eat out and birthday celebration


this weekend my friends and i decided not to laze around and be in bed all the we decided to go and experience fruit picking! well the idea come from my ex school mate who recently further her studies in's a shame that we have been in London for years and never tried this fun trip.thanks aimi for suggesting!heheh we had a lot of funnnnnnnnnn!

"We grow nearly 20 different fruits and vegetables which are grown exclusively for Pick-Your-Own between June and October. We pride ourselves on the quality of our produce, which is "as fresh as it gets"! Crops include “table-top” strawberries (no bending required), raspberries, beans and sweetcorn. The farm is set in the beautiful rolling greenbelt countryside just to the north of Enfield, and yet is easily accessible from all the surrounding areas. Do come and pay us a visit sometime?"

so if anyone is interested to go there you can simply take a train to gordon hill's just 26 minutes from central london. click HERE to visit their website!

MRSM PC mini reunion?super duper mini reunion..hehe

after few hours walking around and picking fruits,we decided to leave and headed for our lunch date.i was craving some korean food so tadaaaaaaaaaaaa

we wanted to eat at the soul bakery near tottenham tube station but apparently it was full so we went to a korean restaurant just 2 shops away from the soul's more expensive but when the dishes came wallahhhhh it's such in a big if you want to go and eat here just share your food.3 dishes can fill around 5-6 people.the taste is unbelievableeeeee!i loveeeeee it soooooo dish can cost you about £6.90

after that we have another place to go.fakhri's house to do some surprise event for the birthday boy.we bought him cake and flowers as well as the fruits we picked earlier!

All in all it's a productive(in terms of not being in bed all day) and interesting weekend.
Alhamdulilla (:


Tuesday, October 1, 2013


Hello Assalamualaikum Wbt

So today's update is going to be a happy post. when i shared about what the doctor said in my previous consultation,i received so many responses.people personally wrote to me to actually comfort me and cheer me have no idea how much that means to me.i am so grateful and thankful to have so many people behind my back.thanks everyone. Ok,so today I'm gonna be babbling about what i have done so far after i came to it's a happy post ok?hehe

so this was the time when everyone celebrated me coming back to uk.yeayyyy.this is half of my family here..hehe

my roomate's birthday celebration.this is like 95% of my family in was so great gathering like was happy!

bathmate (read:exbatchmate) girls' day out.we went to have a big breakfast!

sending kammy off to malaysia for goooooood

otw to malaysian tourism event

did a cannulation to my dear roomate.hehehe

jumping with joy at the thorpe park! though I cant ride the extreme rides because i need to protect my bones(bones have become fragile due to the spread of cancer so high impact activities are not advisable) i still had so much fun..yeah riding the merry go round thing and the teapot..haha


we packed our own lunch and had a mini picnic at the park..weeehoooo

my date for roomate was so sweet.she actually accompanied me to all my consultation including today.i'm so touched.anyways today the doctor said that my blood test comes out as good so that means my cancer is not as aggressive as he thought so alhamdulillah.maybe it's because of your prayers!thank youuuu so much.He still needs to discuss with the radiologist to confirm my treatment plan so next week i'll be seeing him again

my late lunchh with my rooomate

this is my notes for today's lecture! I really want to be a doctor especially when I was already at the receiving end.I hope to contribute back to the society.please pray that I'll live long enough to achieve my dream..hehe
the point of my post is no matter how hard or difficult your situation is,be grateful and you'll be happy.i can choose to mourn over my stage 4 cancer diagnosis and be depressed about it but i opt not to.I'm just gonna live my life happily. people say you only know the real meaning of living by learning about dying.i think it's true.i've learned so much in this one year and i hope you do too!