Wednesday, December 25, 2013

love (:

staring at the crossroad
i am bewildered
not knowing what lies ahead
and too scared to simply follow through
i never wanted to hurt
but neither can i pretend
love is not simple
as just to pick what i want

when love is such a luxury
i know right away
i dont want to spend
the wealth i never had
and i dont want to break
a decent heart that cares

i am grateful for the hearts that are willing to offer me protection but i just cant think about it right now.i guess my heart has become went through so much pain that it cant detect any more of it.i know how much courage you guys have gathered in order to let me know how you feel but not until i am sure it's the battle that i could put my entire heart in,i would not say yes.i just doesnt matter how my heart feels,i just dont want to drag anyone into this pool of pain.for me to survive the present i abandoned the thought of my future.that's why i cant afford to be thinking about the future. not until it comes knocking on my door,i'll leave love down my priority list.


Thursday, December 12, 2013


browsing through my old pictures and i stumbled upon all these. yes i am far behind my visit as much countries as i could before graduation. i need to speed up! (:

Saturday, December 7, 2013


Assalamualaikum wbt.

hopefully everyone's reading this in their best state of health and may Allah bless all of us.

i just finished my 9 weeks placement in homerton hospital.i have another two weeks of lecture and then my end of module examination on 20th Dec 2013. I am currently on my second cycle of pazopanib for my cancer treatment and will be having my ct scan in january. in both cases i hope that i'll do well.please pray for me (;

well i am aware of the fact that most of us are now either struggling with the revision for exam or  facing the exam this week. and obviously exam= stress. what i am going  to write is based on my personal opinion and experience only so any of you are more than welcome to disagree with me.

i love reading about quotes of motivational sayings just to give me the initial kick to start revision. there are two that i love most.

they are both contradicting to one another in some aspect or the other. the first one is saying about how we should not anticipate problems and just solve it when it comes to us. the latter says that we need to be prepared in order to be successful. 
I say we need to find the balance between those two. to be honest being overly concerned about the matter that we are not even sure will come is definitely tiring. if you want to live your life keep on thinking about the bad thing that might happen, you are already dead,in my opinion obviously.having said that it does not mean that i am belittling the importance of being prepared.of course we need to be prepared. we need to have strategies and we need to know what to do if things go the way we dont expect it to be. both are important and that is why i said that finding the right balance is the most important part of all. islam has always taught us to do this especially in term of prioritizing hereafter and this world.islam never asked us to live a boring life,be by ourselves and submit to Allah alone and not caring about this world. in fact there are a lot of interesting things we could do and get rewards at the same again finding the right balance is the answer! even to create a beautiful rainbow requires certain amount of rain and sun- we can learn from this simplest equation that God gives us effortlessly if we really want to think!

The same goes to when we pray(supplication).we have to find the right balance in between seeking for God's help and having faith that He would definitely help us. we have to be confident that Allah will help us but at the same time we should show how much we want it. to make this point clear,i meant to say that even if you are definitely sure that Allah will help you does not mean that you have to take your supplication lightly and do it with little effort. do it wholeheartedly and bear in mind that even if God does not give you what you want it is for the best. He'll replace it with better thing,if not now maybe later in life or in the hereafter.

so actually living life as a muslim should not be difficult if we really follow the teaching. yes there are ups and downs but if we remember that Allah is just and for every sufferings,difficulties and problems we are facing,definitely there would be rewards for them then we should not be upset about it right?

being a medical students and witnessing a lot of people suffering in hospital made me really grateful.sometimes we forget about how merciful Allah is towards us. think about how those suffering could have fallen into you.things can go wrong in so many way so please let us all be thankful for all the bad things that Allah has prevented from happening to us.

juggling between being a cancer patient myself and a medical student is a constant struggle. i need to keep a straight face every time the consultant or other medical students mention the harsh reality of this disease. how bad the prognosis are and how there's no cure/hope for survival. the only thing that keeps me going is that i have faith in Divine intervention. whatever is meant for me will never missed me and whatever missed me was never meant for me (; life must go on. dont waste it by worrying (: