Thursday, June 13, 2013

life update

it's been quite long since i last updated right.well i was quite busy.went for my umrah and alhamdulillah everything went quite well.started few sessions of radiotherapy but now i was told to stop it due to my recent ct scan results.it seemed that there's few(or just one i am not sure) dots in the bone n lungs and doctor suspected them to be the metastasis from my renal cell carcinoma.metastasis is a huge word that can blow me just like that upon mentioning it.it's the scariest word for the cancer patient.i was alone at the hospital when the doctor broke that bad news.and i just dont know how to respond.it felt like the world was falling apart for the second time,the 1st one would be when i was being diagnosed.i told my mom abt it and i told my close friend.i shed few tears,not as much as i thought i would.well i dont know.it's hard but still He wont test me more than i could bear right?maybe i am a lot stronger than i know i would be?hehe..well i'm gonna have to go to kl to do another scan to make sure that the dots are cancerous or not and of course eventhough i dont want to give myself a false hope deep down i still wish that it isnt as what the doctor suspected.less likely to happen but well let's pray!worrying wont get me anywhere but i know prayers would.so i wont waste my time worrying over this matter.i sound like i'm quite strong right?honestly to be strong is one thing and to maintain that is another thing.i am fragile but people around me keep me going..my family my close friend,if i am weak then what would they do?that'll make them sad so let's just be strong.shall we? i am supposed to go to london this coming sept but it seems that my doctor doesnt want me to go.he asks me to get in touch with any consultant in london so that he could discuss beforehand whether i should be going or not.the problem is i dont know anyone.it's not like i can just randomly ask for a favour from any consultant.you know how things work in malaysia?we need to see the general doctor firts before being referred to a consultant.the same goes to london.it's not like i can magically ask a busy consultant to spare me his time listening to my problem but well if i dont do it,my chance to be able to go back to london is quite low..so i ask around.i ask my friend for help.i google it too.i just email a random consultant urological surgeon in royal london n guess what??he replies n says that he is happy to help and he'll ask around about my case too(coz my cancer is the rare type)..see i told u?prayers are so powerful.god sends me a stranger to help me out.alhamdulillah..i cant be happier.now it's time to keep praying that those dots arent real cancer..

thank you Allah for sending me someone i dont even know who are kind enough to help me.i love you!
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