Tuesday, March 26, 2013

if and only if

when we crosspassed eachother it's the world we're in that separated us..
now that i'm slowly entering to your world,it's the distance that is tearing us apart.

if only i knew

if only i knew
and if only i was not too afraid of your world
if you are a bit more brave to explain
if only i realised this not a little too late
talking about if wont make any differences would it?

well probably it's not meant to be..there's only a little that a girl could do regarding this.


Wednesday, March 20, 2013

hargai diri

assalamualaikum wbt.
bismillahirrahmanirrahim :)

i've just listened to a talk by prof dr muhaya in ikim just now n i think it's a very good one and i'd like to share it here.the topic was to appreciate yourself. there's this formula dr muhaya always says in her talk which is 'ada,beri,dapat' which means if u want something from someone you have to give it first and to be able to give you have to have it within you.say it's appreciation that u want from ur husband,family or children,you have to appreciate them first and to be able to appreciate them u have to start by appreciating yourself.she said you cant give other people something that you dont have.so the root of the problem in our lives usually comes from us.every negativity that we feel in our sorrounding is actually the reflection of what is happening inside us.everything that we do actually is a mirror of who we are in the inside.

so if we keep on doing the wrong thing,there is certainly something wrong with our heart.there are 3 scariest illness of the heart which we should always distance ourselves from.they are ria',hasad and ujub.ria' means showing off the good deeds or the blessings we have,hasad is being negatively envious of other people achievement and wanting that achievement to disappear and ujub is feeling so proud of oneself that makes the person feel like he/she's better than anyone else.so please please let's restrain ourselves from this attitude.

a caller asked about whether or not should an only child go and visit the sick parent if the husband does not allow it and the answer really made me go yeah so true.prof said a great person does not deal with the problem but prevent it from happening.how?by really choose your partner before marriage.marry someone who puts his deen(religion) as his first and none of this will happen.but since it's too late now that it has happened,try and have a slow talk with the husband.if he doesnt listen then look at ourselves.do we listen to them all the time,if not change ourselves and insyaAllah the husband will change too.everything happens in our lives is the consequences of what we did so please think about the wrong things we did and change it.

i love how prof muhaya relates everything to ourselves because it does seem true.so treat the people with right attitude so that they will do the same and to be able to do that you have to have that right attitude first.i have always think that people would look down on me or wont be able to love me because of my flaws esp after being diagnosed with cancer.i stigmatised myself n i drove myself into believing that i dont deserve to love or be loved because of the bad gene i have..well who wants to marry someone who carries cancer gene?i was mistaken by my poor judgement.my judgement that put the world above everything.so i need to change my perspective about myself.i need to appreciate n love myself in other for other people to do so.i need to stop thinking about it as a flaw.and i need to convince my self that God put it this way so that i marry the right person.only someone who puts his deen first will take the risk coz he puts his trust in Allah.every living souls will taste death no matter how healthy or sick you are.and i need to change my vision..hereafter should be the basis of judgement.Allah looks at good deeds not genes.so if i can bring myself to be a good servant who submits fully to him then my gene should not be a problem and i should not regard that as my weakness.if having this so called flaw reminds me to be a good servant to my Lord,i guess i'm up for keeping that flaw..alhamdulillah for this advice and i hope that whoever reading this,whatever flaw you may have if it leads you to Allah,be grateful ;)

Allah loves us all and let's love him with all our might

Allahualam :)

Saturday, March 16, 2013

sabar itu indah

assalamualaikum wbt

alhamdulillah utk hari ini ya Allah.okay hari ni saya nak bercerita atau berkongsi dgn sape2 yang baca blog ni cara2 kita nak menghadapi ujian Allah.hidup ni memang xsah kalau xdiuji.saya xde laa hebat dari segi ilmu,byk yang nak kena belajar and perbaiki tapi yg sikit ni nak dikongsi jugak laaa moga moga bermanfaat utk kita semua.

ujian dtg kdg2 waktu yang kita paling tak jangka.semalam kita gembira hari ni boleh berubah 360 darjah jadi sedih gundah gulana.tapi kalau kita hadapi dan guna ujian yang Allah beri kepada kita dgn sebaiknya,insyaAllah kita akan nampak banyak rahmat sbnrnya yg dtg bersama ujian ni.kita kena ubah cara kita berfikir baru senang kita nak nampk hikmah2 n bila kita da nampak kita akan bersyukur dgn ujian tuu and sgt senang insyaAllah utk kita redha dan bersabar. Allah berfirman dlm surah al baqarah ayat 153 

"hai orang2 beriman,mintaklah pertolongan Allah dgn sabar dan mengerjakan solat,sesungguhnya Allah beserta orang2 yang sabar"

dalam ayat ni Allah da bagi kita solusi kpd apa jugak masalah kita.kalau kita ada masalah mintak pertolongan Allah..Allah xsuh kita settlekan sendiri pun..pengasihnya Allah ni Dia just suruh kita mintak pertolongan daripadanya..mcm mana nak mintak?dgn sabar dan solat.bila ditimpa dugaan kalau nak menangis silakan..menangislah sebanyak mana yang anda nak,merayulah pada Dia.sesungguhnya Allah maha mendengar.dalam tangisan itu selit lah dalam hati kepercayaan bahawa ujian Allah ini tiba kerana Allah sayang kan kita..Dia rindukan kita,Dia nak kita bergantung pada Dia.kembalilah kepada jlnNya insyaAllah kita akan makin tenang utk redha dgn ketentuanNya.kita kena igt tujuan asal kita diciptakan..utk menjadi hambaNya and Allah dah ckp awal2 yg org beriman akan diuji dan berilah khabar gembira pada orang yang sabar.cara yang seterusnya ialah bersangka baik dgn Allah.berdoa dan bertaubatlah mintak diampunkan.apabila kita meletakkan diri kita di tempat yg selayaknya seorang hamba kita akan akur dgn takdir.sebagai contoh,Allah beri kita kesakitan..kita cuba sedaya upaya utk berubat.kdg2 dah byk ubat kita try tp still xberkesan..mungkin Allah nk kita tahu yang menyembuh itu Allah bukan ubat.sebab tu kita kena mintak dgn Dia.apa pun yang membawa kita dekat dgn Allah itu rahmat xkiralah penyakit ke,kesenangan ke..

bila dugaan datang ingatlah untuk sentiasa bersangka baik,bersabar redha dan sematkan rase kebergantungan pada Allah.Bila kita buat semua ni insyaAllah segalanya akan dipermudahkan..

semoga Allah mempermudahkan urusan kita semua di dunia ini

Wallahualam ;)

Friday, March 15, 2013

welcome back

assalamualaikum wbt.

it's been quite long since i last updated my blog.well it has been quite a journey for me but alhamdulillah now i guess things are getting better.

so what was it?
I was diagnosed with renal cancer last august.i was shocked to the extent that i dont know what to do.i felt like my whole world was falling apart.at the age of 21 i was never ready to actually face this kind of reality.it hit me so hard that i was falling on the ground feeling hopeless but coudnt shed any tear.i need to be strong.at least for my mom because a month before that my dad was having his bypass surgery in IJN.it was quite a test for us as a family.so for this one,i need to at least be able to show that i'm fine with it.the doctor said that the only way to treat me was by removal of the whole kidney. 5 months i tried to go for traditional medicine but unfortunately it didnt work for me.so i decided to have the surgery..i was admitted to the hospital 4 days prior to my surgery.it was rather a complicated surgery.it took double the expected time and i was suffering from major bleeding.so severe that they need to actually transfused 8 pints of blood.despite the long complicated surgery,my recovery was a quick one.alhamdulillah,after 3 days i can walk and then being discharged 8days after the operation.Now i.m fine,i am as healthy as i used to be before the surgery,alhamdulillah.i just have to pray that it doesnt come again nor spread to other part of the body.

well i havent got to my point of writing this.above was the simplest form of my story.what i really want to write is what i have learned from my experiences. you see,at the age of 21 i never really had myself prepared for death.i was too attach to this world and that made me so afraid that my time to leave was coming too soon than i expected.when i was diagnosed with this disease,i was so afraid because i didnt think that i did good enough to actually go n meet the Creator.

i planned so much for my future but i never really planned for my hereafter.well i guess i was lucky.God tested me with this so that i can actually repent my sins and do something before it's too late. when i was being pushed into the operation theatre,the only thing in my mind was LAILAHAILLALLAH,just in case that would be my last time.i did my taubah prayer the night before,i did everything that i possibly could to make sure that if i succumb in the operation,i would not be held accountable for my ugly past and by that i mean i was hoping that Allah will forgive everything i had done before.

Alhamdulillah the 12 hours surgery ended well and i was given the opportunity to still continue living in this world.i said to myself,there must be reasons why this world still need me.i start to think about the responsibilities as His servant and i promise myself to be a better muslim.

i am so glad that things happen this way.i might have to live with my one and only right kidney but if this serves as a constant reminder for me about my Lord and His mercy,it's definitely the best thing that ever happened to me.i got the time to spend with my family,i grow closer to my parents and inshaAllah my parents and i will be performing umrah together this april.the only pain i felt few days after the surgery is nothing compared to the blessings He gave me afterwards. the way i see things,the way i look at the real reasons human were created and the responsibilities we all have to do in this world in order to be granted paradise in the hereafter,it's priceless!alhamdulillah,thank you Allah for this wonderful journey :)

there are lotsa details i have yet to share about the journey.this is just the overview.till next time,jaga hati jaga iman jaga akhlak!we never knew if the appointed time for us has come to the end.

allahualam :)